Hi, everyone.
It's definitely been a while since I've posted... October of 2023, I think, was the last time I used this blog. I'm not really sure what to even say. Things are really bad right now in the world, and it's incredibly difficult to stay motivated and positive.
I read this thing on Facebook that my aunt shared earlier today that made me feel validated. Stay with me here because I'm definitely paraphrasing and adding my own comments in to what I read.
It's okay to feel tired and exhausted. We spent a year really going hard with the fight and pushing ourselves to not lose hope. We spent almost ten years arguing with our friends, family, and randos on the internet to no avail. We lost the election. After the election and after he took power, we just sort of shut down. I've shut down, and based on what I'm seeing in the world and on social media, it appears I'm not alone. We're exhausted and disappointed. We're just fucking tired.
I for one have felt so very guilty over the last month and a bit because, although I wasn't doing the arguing or fighting, I was doom scrolling a lot and trying to find hope. I feel empty and have felt empty since the loss especially. I've felt guilty for not keeping up with the news like I previously had. I avoid certain social media sites (you know exactly which one specifically) because it is too hard to see all the negativity and hate in there. But I'm giving myself some grace.
Things are horrible. The man in power is destroying this country and we're only a few days in to his term. And I still feel guilty for not putting more energy into staying alert and aware. But you know what? I just can't do it right now. I had the holidays to try and focus on good things, but was depressed for literally all of it. I didn't enjoy my holiday season as much as I would have liked even though so many fun things occurred. It's hard to quantify the heartbreak I feel, but I know I'm not alone.
All of this is to say that although it may not be the right thing to sort of bury my head in the sand, I'm giving myself some grace.
We fought. We argued. We stood up. But we still lost. We shut down.
This post I saw on Facebook basically said that it's okay to take a break. We need to rest after all those years of fighting. We need to rest and come back rejuvenated.
To be honest, I don't know if we will come back stronger. But for the first time in a while, I have a small amount of hope that spring will be a renewal and we will come back and fight again. We just need a rest.
Spring is a time for renewal and rebirth in nature. And although I really hate summer (so so much hatred), I love spring. I find the trees sprouting and the grass turning green again a beautiful thing. My allergies aren't a fan, but my heart and soul are. I always get a little depressed after Christmas and New Years after the Christmas trees and lights and decorations come down, but this year was even harder due to the state of the country and the world. So spring will bring back the color into my life that has been missing.
I am not much of a fighter and never have been, but I will try to be a safe place for anyone who needs it. I have my own battles that are coming just like everyone else does, but I want to be there for anyone who needs it. My home is a safe place.
What I'm getting at in this long winded and rambly post is that things are going to get even worse. I don't think any of us can deny that. Although my hope is almost completely gone, I am trying to find it again.
Let's rise up and keep fighting in whatever way we can for what we believe in and what we know is right. If we don't, no one else will.
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